I'm Dying To Know 💀👻

So you just found out that you are in END-STAGE renal failure. If you're like me, it happens in a flash. I'd been admitted to the hospital due to dangerous low blood count and the subsequent blood work came back with the diagnosis of kidney failure.

The doctor was nice, but curt and purfuctionary. Light on the details, he informed me that neither kidney was working. Dialysis was needed immediately- I could last 2 weeks tops without it. Long-term treatment would be best served by organ transplant if I was open to that option. Ultimately, the disease is treatable but incurable; eventually fatal.

Boom. That's it cupcake. You're on the southward climb towards an everlasting dirt nap.

Immediately my mind was filled with rather urgent and morbid questions.

How long do I have? Am I going to die soon? Will it hurt?

My initial experience with confronting the questions of my new found immenient mortality was confounding, frustrating and terrifying.

The doctor, a Nephrologist - specialist in all things kidney related; was shifty in his answers.

"With dialysis?....years. Maybe."

"Transplant? You could live another 10 years. Maybe longer."

"Let's not worry about that now. Right now let's talk treatment. "

Yes, let's worry about that, right. the. FUCK. now!!!!!

........is what I wanted to scream. Instead I mumbled something to the effect that I should have spent the last 10 years drinking and tits deep in debauchery, rather than living a sober existence on the "Red Road." Might as well have had fun killing my kidneys.

When in doubt, cover with humour and push those pesky emotions down, down, down. I didn't really need to bother putting up the shields, because the doctor was already out the door and off to traumatize his next patient. I was left to my own devices.

Luckily my trusted friend Google was at the ready to assist me in securing a more accurate expiry date. A few searches later, I was armed with a slew of potential "death due- dates." They ranged from a week or two without dialysis to 40 years with a successful transplant.

According to www.kidney.org, "Average life expectancy on dialysis is 5-10 years, however, many patients have lived well on dialysis for 20 or even 30 years. Talk to your healthcare team about how to take care of yourself and stay healthy on dialysis."

To further muddy the waters, a litney of things can effect the morbidity of kidney failure; among these are lifestyle, viral and bacterial infections, co-morbidities etc.

My best bet: eat right, excercise and don't get sick. Did I mention I was diagnosed at the beginning of December 2019, with 2020 looming on the horizon and rumors of a new virus sprouting up in China?

Pandemic aside, my odds were good. I was relatively young and somewhat healthy (if you squint and give extra credit for the many near death experiences I've already conquered.)

After getting sprung from the hospital a few days later, I started the process of telling my friends, family and employers the news. Inevitably, one of the first questions posed would be in some way related to life expectancy. I answered as best I could, tried my best to sound more confident than I felt...and plugged a sneaky request for a potential kidney donation where appropriate...and in some instances where it wasn't appropriate.

On Christmas Eve 2019, I opened the door to RVH's inhospitable....I mean in-patient, unit and walked in. The first sign I encountered as I walked in was a large print advertisement that read:

"Have you though about updating your will?"

And to be honest, I still haven't.

#notdeadyet